Resources for Adults

Supporting a Grieving Child

Contributed by Mary E. Plouffe, PhD, author of I Know It in My Heart: Walking through Grief with a Child (She Writes Press 2017). www.maryeplouffeauthor.com

When a child is grieving, here are some ways an adult can be helpful:

1. Reassure children that their world is safe and that there will always be someone to care for them.

2. Hold a grieving child. It is the most important thing adults can offer. Listening to their anger, confusion, and questions—wherever they are coming from at that moment—is also important. Your presence says, “I am with you through this.”

3. Reassure children that it’s OK to cry so they learn not to avoid their sadness. Tears are part of healing.

4. Encourage children to express grief with drawing, dancing, or creating something that illustrates their relationship with the person who has died. Creating a memory box is one way to help a child process the death of a loved one and keep the deceased’s memory alive.

5. Remember that childhood grief is often expressed with regression, anxiety, fear, irritability, acting out, difficulty concentrating, or in sleep, mood, and eating disturbances.

6. Reassure children that nothing they have done has caused this tragedy. Younger children may feel that they have somehow caused, contributed to, or made themselves deserving of a loss.

7. Be especially kind and compassionate to those who are grieving.

8. Remember that everyone grieves differently.

9. Understand that children in grief often cannot understand the facts or comprehend their meaning for the future. Sometimes they cannot understand their own feelings either. But children can feel when the adults who love them are there and are willing to listen, hold them, and walk with them through their grief.

For more ideas, please visit the National Alliance for Grieving Children at www.childrengrieve.org.